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Do you ever just feel so stuck in a rut? Like you’re just counting down the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and you don’t even know why? Like all you do is eat, sleep, drink, and somehow make it to the end of the day? Life feels like a chore, a routine, lonely and empty. I want to feel passion and desire, but I don’t know where or how to start. I want to feel a fire and rage. I want to love. I want to be happy and feel free. I want to love what I’m doing and wake up with a smile every day. I want to feel at home in my skin and not beat myself up over my rolls, cellulite, flawed skin, my uneven boobs and my pudgy tummy. I don’t want to hate myself every time I eat something “bad” and feel like exercise is a chore. I don’t want to look at effortlessly slim and flawless women and wish I could be them. I want to look at myself in the mirror and feel proud of who I am, regardless of my flaws. I don’t want to feel this ongoing sadness I feel. I wish this hole where the loss of my brother burns on was not there and everything were still as it were. I wish someone could heal my emptiness and stop the sadness that is in my eyes. I wish I didn’t feel this heavy weight on my soul. I want my family to stop hurting. I want to stop hurting. I want my brother back. I want to feel like I belong somewhere. I want to stop counting down the days and live. I want to stop feeling this way.